


Why me?

by Criscpi



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25243453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criscpi/pseuds/Criscpi
Summary: Sander made the worst decision ever.Could he be able to fix everything?
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Why me?

"Sander, what the hell is wrong with you? Once, I say once you're happy you destroy everything. What for?"

Elke is furious. And she's right. I've ruined everything.  
I was so convinced I was doing the right thing, that I was the hero who saved his beloved out of love.  
Saving him from me seemed like something I had to do. I don't deserve Robbe. 

But when I saw his face as he walked through the school corridors I knew I hadn't been a hero, I had been a cruel monster.

Robbe's gaze turned to the floor, his bloodshot eyes as if he had stopped just before he cried... the black circles under his eyes... what had I done to him?I had been a terrible egotist. 

"You're not selfish. Sander I love you but you've been a cosmic idiot."

"What can I do?"

"What do you want to do. That's the question."

"I miss him Elke. I can't breathe without him. I can't sleep without him. It's not the way I saw it. I thought I could handle all this. Nobody deserves to be with a fool like me."

"Exactly who would enact this law? Sander, I know your story: do you really think your problem is insurmountable? Haven't we talked about this a million times already? Are you sure you did the right thing for both of you? You didn't even give him the chance to prove you wrong. Now it's gonna be hard to make things right. Very hard."

The point is, at some point, I stopped talking to him, writing him, watching him, calling him. I started living like he didn't exist.  
I could never betray him, but maybe  
I would have hurt him less. I didn't even have the courage to talk to him.

“You asked me what I want, well I’ll tell you what I wish:  
I have to find a way to clarify, Robbe needs to know at least why I was an asshole.  
I wish I could go back and listen to your advice, I wish I hadn't been so stubborn, I wish I hadn't treated my boy like that.  
I wish I had a boyfriend again, I wish I had Robbe back.”

"Do you think if he was willing to clear it up, you'd make it past Jens' time? If he could, he'd kick your ass every time he met you."

"I'll start with a message.  
He could read it, think about it and decide to listen to me.  
Elke. Jens has every reason to be furious with me. I... I'll try to clear it with him too, but my priority is Robbe. Right now I just want him to know my reasons. More than that I don't think I deserve right now.”

Robbe, I know I'm the last person you want to hear, see, name, but could I talk to you? I owe you an explanation. At least that one. Please.

No answer. Nothing. For days.  
Now that the semester's over, I have no one else to see him.  
It had been too long and I felt I owed him at least an explanation.

"Where are you going?"

"To Robbe's"

"I don't think that's a great idea."

"It's the only thing I can do Elke, I demand to be kicked by Jens, I know, but I have to try."

It was raining outside. Damn right it was raining. Walking in the rain would have helped keep my mind clear. I owed him at least that much.

I have 2 weeks. 2 weeks to patch things up, at least to say hello to each other in the school hallways. Of course I wanted a happy ending, but there was no point in kidding myself. There would be no happy ending.  
When I rang the door, I found myself in front of Jens...

"What the hell are you doing here. You're no longer welcome here."

"I need to talk to Robbe."

"And break his heart into even smaller pieces? Do us a favor. Go away."

"Don't you think that Robbe should decide?"

"Who picked up the shards that YOU deliberately broke? Who has been by his side all these weeks? Who's his best friend? You're just a terrible person who turned off the light in him and I can't turn it back on."

I deserved those hostile words. But I would have held out again and again to be able to talk to Robbe.

"Jens..."

Robbe was behind him... my boyfriend's ghost was behind his best friend.

"Let him in."

"But Robbe"

"Trust me, the sooner I do it, the sooner I'll get out."

"Then I'll stay in the kitchen."

"Jens... Please... go... I'll call you, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"No... but I have to.”  
Jens looks at me with resentful eyes.

"You're lucky. Robbe is the kindest person I know."

"I know..."

He challenges me with a bitter smile 

"You don't know anything, or you wouldn't have treated him like the worst of your enemies."

And with that, he threw me a shoulder, Jens left Robbe's apartment.

"Follow me"he said.

We sat in the kitchen, as far away as possible.  
Robbe hadn't even looked at me yet.

"What do you have to tell me, Sander, hasn't it already said all your silence?"

"Robbe, I'm... I'm sorry."

Quiet. It seemed like you didn't even have  
Spoken.

"Robbe what I did, what I did to you is terrible. I wanted to push you away, I wanted to push you away from me because I didn't deserve you."

"Well, you succeeded."

I was speechless. It can't be. It really couldn't have worked.

"Robbe"

"Sander, what do you want me to say? That I forgive you? That I forgive the person I love most in the world after he treated me like the worst person?"

More tears ploughed through his beautiful face.

"I did it to protect you..."

"From what Sander? From pain? Why do you think I'm happy now?"

"No you're not... It's more than obvious..."

"Why Sander, why?"  
I knew this was the end. The end of the greatest thing in the world and it was all my fault.  
If it was going to be goodbye, at least I had to throw it all out. Without limitations. Without fear. I approached to Robbe:

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You really are." 

I couldn't help crying

"And just because I realized I loved you so much I had to protect you from me, from my bipolarity, from my past as a despicable, crazy boy, because that's what I am... I didn't have the courage to tell you before and I thought it was for the best."

Robbe keeps his eye on me

“We could have fought the past and your bipolarity together. We would have been able to do it."

"Now I know. I just hope you'll forgive me one day... I love you so much, Robbe, I really do. Bye." I kiss his forehead.  
My lips touch his skin for the last time.

The road that leads me to the doorway will shed tears.

Robbe will no longer be part of my life. Now I know how what he has felt these weeks.  
Everything has stopped.  
Everything will stop from today.

“Sander!"

Across the hall Robbe is calling me.  
When I turn around, Robbe runs towards me and hugs me hard.

"I can't do it Sander. I can't do it without you. You hurt me so much, but tell me we can get through this too."

Once again it was Robbe who saved me. I held him even tighter

"Sure, we'll win this battle too.If this is what you want”

“Do you want this? Do you really want me? I can’t survive if you...”

“Robbe, I’m more than sure. I was so stupid and selfish... I want to be with you so bad...”

He took me by the hand. After a long time we were lying on his bed again. No kissing. One step at a time. 

"I'm so exhausted"

Robbe needed to sleep. Because of me he must have slept very little the past few weeks. 

“Rest. But first, don't you think you should tell Jens? He must be worried."

Robbe takes his phone

“Jens? Yes, I'm fine. We talked. No, he's still here... Jens, please... Can we talk about it tomorrow? I need to sleep... I promise... Until tomorrow. Jens? Thank you.”

Robbe puts the phone down and hides in my arms.

"How I've missed all this"  
I whisper to him while I’m stroking his hair. 

"Like air," he says between yawns.

"Now go to sleep"

"Will you stay?"

"I'll stay"

Robbe is resting. His breathing is regular.  
Before try to sleep a bit, I decide to write first to Elke and then to Jens, to whom I send a picture of Robbe sleeping. 

"No more fear. Robbe taught me a lot today. I hope I can clarify with you too."

Jens answer me in less than a minute...

“First I want to talk to Robbe, for now take care of him properly and no more idiotic ideas. This is your last chance and for the record I still think you don’t deserve it."

I thought worse. Maybe there’s hope even for me and Jens. He is such a great friend. After that I finally close my eyes.

It stopped raining outside. I cover my boy with my arms and sleep finally gets the better of me.  
When I wake up Robbe is looking at me. 

"Hey."

"Hey you. Sleep well?"

"Like a king"

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes, but first... come with me."

Robbe takes me to the bathroom, opens the water to fill the tub and invites me in.

"I don't think I can stop stroking you."

He turns around, his face seems less tense and tired and his eyes have found the depths in which I loved to lose myself so much.

"No one is asking you not to touch me Sander..."

Robbe turns around, wraps his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck: his fingers play with my hair and his lips join mine.  
Then he walks away, looks me in the eye and says: 

"I love you, Sander. Stupid Sander. Now find your own way to make it up to me."

My hands find his skin again, every inch of him...my lips continue to search for his : I have always had a weakness for his mouth: always ready for kind words and to say my name in our intimacy... I would never have wanted to stop putting my lips on his; to find again the pleasure of our tongues touching, searching, longing... 

"Sander..."

"Do you want me to stop?"

He clings to me tight in this little sea of foam and he whispers in my ear: 

"On the contrary... but can we go back to my room?"

I hold him in my arms and we throw ourselves on the bed overwhelmed by our laughter: how good it is to see him laugh!

“I missed you so much."

I repeat it every time my mouth is not in contact with his skin.  
Then suddenly it's me finding my boyfriend on top of me covering me with kisses and caresses  
I smile and ask him:

"Didn't I have to make it up to you?"

"I changed my mind. I have to make you understand once and for all that I am capable of take care of you in every way."

I immediately stop arguing and arch my back: I let myself be rocked by the rhythm of the kisses he gives me.

We wake up in the middle of the night

“I'm so hungry"

"Snack?"

"Only if you cook"

I'll make his favorite dish and while we eat, Robbe's surprising me again.

"Sander. Stay."

"Of course I'm staying."

"No, wait... I mean stay here. I want you to live here. It may seem premature since we met a few hours ago, but I'm convinced the closer we are, the more we can figure out we can make it together."

"Robbe I... I want it so badly, but are you sure?"

"I don't want to be away from you anymore."

"I'm so glad you haven't given up on me in spite of everything."

"Never"

"Never. I promise. We'll be together forever."


End file.
